Those Phrases from A Parent Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who often absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."